Probabaly gonna make a new site
This is personal but for awhile i tried to stop being trans, i isolated myself for a long time and thought that just maybe I'd stop being uncomfortable with myself, my dysphoria never went away though and instead its just gotten worse to the point where even my intrests effect me, idk i cant keep it up anymore this doesnt mean i hate everything i liked, its just i cant not feel gross about myself.
personal but all ever since i stopped isolating myself everything including my intrests have been making me dysphoric again
for awhile i tried to make myself become cis due to being hyperfixated on girly things and i thought that if i just tried hard enough i wouldnt feel uncomfortable. but either way i did, and i felt even more gross when i started leaving my room more often.
idk i wanna abandon all of my soical media accounts and go back to how i was online but i dont wanna just delete everything
havent been that active lately... I really wanna revamp my site a little to something that suits me more. Not sure when I'll get the motivation to do so though ⌣_⌣;
As for what I've been doing, leaving my room a little more, and gaming, watching animu, as always. I'm currently playing Metal Gear Solid, and started Yakuza 0 and finished Half Life. Im also watching Oniisama e... as well as some other stuff! I'd really like to start making media logs again but I want to orginize everything first T_T;
got another wonderful haul at a garadge sale today!! they had a ton of old stuff so I was in heaven
More cameras... haven't found a characger for the laptop yet but I really wanna boot it up. There was also a windows XP tower there but since it was also 20$ and a little broken I got the laptop instead.
Yesterday I went to the used book store again! my favorite place... I got some more DVDs to watch on my TV and some manga too. Really lucked out with the DVDs I thought Mahoutsukai Tai looked good so I bought it, I love it a lot so far ^^
glad I found some more good anime to watch on my TV! my TV is from the 90s so I can't use netflix or hook up my computer to it, so If im missing episodes I need to burn a DVD or watch it on my computer (which hurts me back). no hdmi or any of that. someday I'll get an adapter....
.Media Collected:
Media Collected:
> Mahoutsukai Tai! (Magic User's Club) - Vol 1, 2, 3
> Inuyasha DVD - Episodes 4 - 6
> Galaxy Angel Rune - Vol 1
> Gravitation manga - Vol 7 & 8 and Vol 9 & 10
> Glass Wings
Pretty happy with the haul..! I almost have all the volumes to Gravitation! I'm only missing 5, 6, 11, and 12. I have an extra copy of vol 8 too.
Everytime I see manga with a bug eye'd bishounen I immediately think "shounen ai...." and then 8 times out of 10 its not shounen ai,,, fudanshi instincts... so glass wings is not yaoi. but still awesome i love animanga with wings... im a big sucker for the "overused" angel trope. and vampires...
ilovehaibanerenmei.... ( none of this has anything to do with haibane renmei)
Cork Board
I also got a cork board the otherday to hang my pins! I think its pretty neat now.
i made the yaoi bead keychain when i was in the mental hospital, doesnt that just make it so much better.
As for other stuff,
my birthday is tomarrow and I'm getting snake bites periced for it.
and recently I've been playing guitar a lot, I suck at it but its fun.
CW: mental health stujff, personal
been trying to learn how to cope better, i usally dont like talking about serious stuff here but everyone has serious stuff that goes on in their life so,,,, if only i was raised better my brain might've been able to function a little more normally. it is what it is though
i feel like i got to rock bottom last month, it was my last breakdown before i realized i couldnt keep living not knowing how to deal with myself. i needed to get to bikini bottom and the crusty crab
slowly getting there and learning ^^ just maybe i'll learn the krabby patty secrect formula. i went to a hospital for a week, im in therapy now too. wish i knew how to get help sooner,,,,
CW: mental health stujff yeah
guess who spent 11 days in the mental hoptial and had to get 7 seven stitiches? ME!!! im doing better now i wont talk much about my own mental health problems, i just needed to get better and i didnt know how,,, wasnt doing great,,, im good now.
Im in therapy now and the hospital helped. perhaps it really isnt too late to "change my hikimori ways" i feel like i got a little better at talking to people.
Obviously since I'm kinda gatekeeping this is going to come off as mean, and honestly I don't care anymore because months later and the new wave of twitter users getting in on the yaoi "joke" are still here and just as annoying.
"Oh but its not that serious!!!" sure maybe, however some people including myself actually like this thing and when most of these new people are the same people who hated on fujo not too long ago its pretty annoying. May I say,,, by definition posers?
Now what is a poser? I understand that some people can be very agressive when it comes to gatekeeping and the term "poser". Keep in mind you don't need to be a die hard fan to be a fan.
But getting into something in that you disliked the fans and the thing itself, solely because it got popular, hmm. That's poser behaviour.
Decrease of misinfo and hate. Sure, I'm happy that the hate and misinfo has died down, but the thing is most of these people getting into it for the meme helped spread misinfo about fujo plus most of them still dont even like us.
It's not like they read and educated themselves or even listened to the fans trying to, no they started accepting it because of a few jokes that made it funny. Maybe just don't say fandom slang if youre not in that fandom and don't use fandom jokes if you're not in that fandom! I know this is inevitable but it would solve everything.
If you say you're a fan, fans will expect you to be a fan, you're not a fan if you used to hate on its fans. To me it's annoying to see other people suddenly jump into a fandom because it got popular. especially if they hated that thing before.
I'm 100% fine with casual fans and people newly getting into yaoi. However twitter users and whatever not who got "into" yaoi and vintage yaoi because it recently got funny. ugh.
The amount of tracking accounts I've seen recently on sites like backlogged, MAL, etc. saying "I lovee yaoi >_<" and then having almost nothing yaoi related on their list is far too many.
I see it as a great example of how quickly people can switch up on something with the help of social media. It's like people are afraid or dont know how to form their own opinions online. people start hating on something then everyone starts hating on that thing and god forbid if you like that thing. Makes it even worse that most of these people are like 14.
Been a bit busy with loser stuff so I haven't been to active but I wanna try to be more orginized so I can!
theres a lot of pages that I wanna make, finish and touch up and that makes me a bit unmotivated. I cannot for the life of me take 1 thing at a time its always "i need to finish this stuff so i can do more stuff" so I am infact going to finish this stuff so i can do more stuff.
Making a list here of stuff i need to finish. I have like 15 tabs open constantly and I have 47 bookmarks on my browser (i am not joking I counted) not even mentioning all the art peices i havent finished GAHFHHDGHHh some of this stuff I started months and months ago but forgot i was watching it uwhahhhhhhh (¯ . ¯;) and ihve so much stuff sitting on my desktop that i havent touched too...
Heres a list of nerd stuff i started & need to finish:
Anime:
Patalliro, gakuen haven, Mobile Suit Gundam Wing, Rozen maiden, sailor moon
Manga:
10 Count, Tales of the Kingdom, homunculus
Games & VNs:
Luckydog1, Enzai, No thank you!!, Taishou Mebiusline, Wonderful everyday, Slow Damage: Clean Dishes
Heres a list of site things Ineed to get done:
Make:
so yeah i may be unorignized.
Vocaloid shrine, Stardew reeiw, Hadaka Shitsuji reveiw, reveiw page
Button page, Link page, cliques......,,, room tour page
oh and not even uncluding games just sitting on my pc
Chrimis!!! this photo is from at my dads, at my grandmas I got a sewing mashine! I've wanted one for a long time so pretty nice, I hope I can make my own cosplays and lolita clothes in the future ^.^
also I didnt get to finish my yaoimas tree this year I was planning to make ornaments for it out of clay but I didnt get around to buying any. yaoimas tree will be completed next year trust..
Although I failed at installing windows vista for reals I did get it to look like vista thanks to a youtube video! I cant figure out how to get rid of the little highlights it won't let me disable it after I enabled it hhggrrrrr lame. Still very happy with how it looks though :3
WOOOO I GOT THE SECOND CRT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!! Yes that is really shitty aoba. This is a Macintosh SE from 1986, wow! It was very grimy so I spent about 3 hours cleaning it but I finally got to power it up!! so wonderful I love it theres not a whole lot I can do on that I can think of but I did draw really ugly aoba on it so thats a plus.
I started using the other CRT as my main one because its clearer!
Someone in my neighborhood gave me the CRT that they were gonna throw out!! not even sure where to put it since I have such little space but it's great.
They also offered me another CRT and since I have no space I obviously said no said hell yeah
So I'll have 3 CRT monitors and I'll get the next one sometime this week.
I'm probably gonna put one of them in the basement if not both of them until I switch rooms to the bigger room (which I will talk more about sometime)
The 2nd one looks like its from the 90s and it even has a built in printer and keyboard, I wonder if its the type that can run with out a pc tower since it has a little base
I do like the look of my current CRT better than this one is black I prefer beige, but it's way clearer than the Envison, my Envison is very blurry unlike this one. might even switch because of it. my only problem so far is that this one has a bad refresh rate, only 60hz while the envision is usually running about 80hz.(lied checking it again and it has very good refresh rate)
Future blog plans: try to make more logs (I forget)
Learning how to ddkk did this on my first try too I LOVE OSU!!!!!!! I did this a few weeks ago, I can't wait to get carpel tunnel again.