Even with all the progress I've made its so hard not to give up. I'll always be right, in the end I'm still the same unloved child I always will be. I will always be no ones favorite, no ones first choice, replacable, if I'm left it doesn't matter they always have other friends.
I always mess everything up I want to tear my skin off.
I had what I had longed for, someone who cared for me, someone I cared for, but all I could think about is how they'd leave. I forever hate myself for I forever live with remorse.

Why do I keep weaping on. I tell myself that if i try hard enough it'll all change. but this is reality, and in reality it's too late for me. no matter how much I heal nothing will get back what I've lost, nothing can replace those people. I will never forget that fact.

I feel like I should never talk to anyone and shut myself in just like I did. I deserve it all for not fixing myself sooner. I hate that my parents weren't there for me, why didn't they love me as a child, why even now can I not get what I didn't as a child.

He's in my life again, its too late, I feel stupid for thinking that we could be happy together. This must be my punishment for a past life, If god birthed me into a world where I was set up for failure why couldn't he let me die sooner, that way I wouldn't have to go through all this pain due to how I was raised.
Fixing myself because I've been ruined, because I was never taught how to live. And in the end still, after all the fixing, I still have nothing, I'm still alone and I will never get anything back.

I really rolled terrible dice.
I try to fix myself, heal, have a postive veiw, and keep going but I'll never get over all that I've lost, no matter how hard I try I fail and I'll fail. If I had killed myself sooner I wouldn't have suffered as much as I have.

On top of all that born in this body. no amount of hormones or surguery will change my frame, and still i sit here isolating because I can't live my life if I'm not me. thinking about that fact makes me so ill I wonder if I can live a full life. How long will it take for me to fix myself and feel alright. I've already missed out on all of highschool.